kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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