I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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