my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
