I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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