shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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