I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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