I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
