i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize