He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
