Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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