I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My pussy is not your playground.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize