i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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