We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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