the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize