my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
