It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
