btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize