I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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