You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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