fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
