Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
