So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
