we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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