??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
