xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
