You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
