wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize