So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
