Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
