Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
