my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When did angry sex become our thing?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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