I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
