I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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