dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
