everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She bit a glass in half.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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