i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
