he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
