i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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