I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize