Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
