I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
