She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize