If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
