i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
