Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
