Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
