Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize