Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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