Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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