Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
