You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
