Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm at about main and main street
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
