I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
