i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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