A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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