Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
