so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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