worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
