Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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