If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
