I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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