I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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