I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
