Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My ass is underappreciated
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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