my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
