if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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